ramblings of a daughter of the King

thanks to a fabulous post from Pete Wilson, i’ve been doing a lot of thinking today. in his post, Pete brings up the fact that so many of our modern conveniences are actually making our lives more INCONVENIENT. with our smartphones, high speed internet, laptops, etc. we can now work anywhere, at anytime. we expect more of ourselves and others expect more of us. we are constantly reachable and therefore distracted. our technologies are limitless and work as fast as we could possibly need them. on the rare occasion they slow down, we are lost. we are spoiled. we are frustrated. we forget it was once possible to connect and make plans before texting!

Speaking of cell phones, I wish I were a little bit more like one.  Think about it, guys are willing to sign up for a 2-year committment and monthly fees, sight unseen.  They don’t know if the service will be good in their bedroom.  They don’t know if the fees will be astronomical if they go international.  They just hope for the best and commit.  I have dated many a guy that has picked a cell phone carrier based on what everyone else is doing or who has the coolest phone.  They don’t really care what phone number they get, they just sign the dotted line for the next 2-years of their life.  It’s been a long time since I’ve had a committment like that!

after a hard winter/spring of worries and setbacks, i have let my summer just be. i spent hours watching my cell phone, stressing about things on facebook, and just feeling distracted ALL THE TIME. i felt unwanted if 1 hour passed and no one had sent me some form of electronic messaging. wow, what tunnel vision!!  things have changed this summer.  as i miss my grandma, i think about how she lived her life…simply.  silence wasn’t common with her, but it also wasn’t uncomfortable.  she and i would often sit out on her porch and just listen to the birds, watch cars pass, breathe in the thunderstorms, and enjoy life.  we would sit there for hours in the summer, just being.  as i get ready to head out on a family vacation for the first time in YEARS, i think about vacations passed.  i remember road trips spent staring out the back window watching the world change as time rolled by.  i remember knowing anything was possible.  i remember silence and being still. 

there is a trecherous balance between being present and being able to let your mind reset.  but this balance must exist.  you can’t be present if you are trying to be present all the time (aka too many distractions).  you also can’t let your mind reset if you zoom in to the details all the time.  we need to use our minds like a camera…..zooming in when the close up things matter and zooming out when the big picture matters.

i have been struggling with running.  i love to run but i’ve been struggling with my mental capacity to run.  struggling with getting bored.  i’ve struggled with zooming in on every little challenge, every little pain, every misstep, every uneven surface, every steep uphill, everything that is against me.  i’ve tried to enjoy the view.  i’ve tried to let my mind roam.  i’ve tried to just breathe.  but it wasn’t until tonight that i realized what i need to do. i need to zoom out.  

i need to view running like mowing.  with a double corner lot, i mow A LOT.  unlike running,  i’ve been mowing for what seems like my whole life.  i was even a groundskeeper one summer after high school.  with mowing,  i’ve always been able to finish the job well while still allowing myself to be in the zone and have an almost out-of-body experience.  exausted, filthy, weather against me… i’ve still been able to disconnect and reset in that alone time.  i start the job and don’t stop until I’m done, even if i’m soaking wet.  and in that time i drift in and out of daydreaming.  when my yard is freshly cut i look at it and smile and enjoy the reward of my hard work. 

yesterday i decided to push myself a little harder and run immediately after mowing (stopping only to grab my water bottle).  i was already warmed up.  i was already in “the zone”.  it was the best run of the week! 

so lesson of the day….work to use my camera lens.  zoom in and zoom out as needed.